Emotional intelligence requires more than just social skills. It calls for deep empathy, perceptive understanding, and a willingness to carry the emotional burdens of others. Yet, as Shaykh Mikaeel Smith notes in With the Heart in Mind, “Seldom do people possess the emotional bandwidth to handle their own problems and worries, let alone those of others. We naturally avoid pain, and for this reason, many people shy away from emotional investment in others altogether.” This is the core challenge. In a world heavy with personal trials, how can one remain emotionally available for others?
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The Prophet ﷺ reminded us that Allah’s mercy surpasses even that of a mother for her child. Ibn Taymiyyah beautifully illustrated this with a scenario involving five possible outcomes in any hardship,
- absolute good,
- absolute harm,
- a mix of good and harm in equal measure,
- good outweighing the harm, or
- harm outweighing the good.
But as for the believer, all outcomes are beneficial. If good occurs, we respond with gratitude; if hardship strikes, we meet it with patience.
Even the existence of Shayṭan, the source of whispers and evil, can lead to spiritual elevation when we seek refuge in Allah, repent, and grow closer to Him. Every test, in this view, is a door to Allah’s mercy, knowledge, wisdom, and justice.
This theological grounding was perfectly manifested in the emotional intelligence of the Prophet ﷺ. A striking example is the story of the young man who approached the Prophet ﷺ asking for permission to commit zina (fornication).
A young man once came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, "O Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit zina."
The companions who were present were shocked by the audacity of the request. They immediately rebuked the young man, telling him to be quiet and showing visible signs of anger or disapproval. But the Prophet ﷺ, rather than becoming angry or dismissive, invited the young man to come closer and sat him down gently.
Then, the Prophet ﷺ began to ask him questions in a calm and fatherly tone, "Would you like that for your mother?"
The young man replied, “No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.”
The Prophet ﷺ then said, “And people do not like it for their mothers either.”
Then he asked, "Would you like that for your daughter?"
He said, “No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.”
The Prophet ﷺ said, “And people do not like it for their daughters either.”
The Prophet ﷺ continued this gentle line of questioning, asking the same about the young man's sister, paternal aunt, and maternal aunt - each time evoking a heartfelt “No” from the young man and linking it back to the fact that just as he would not want that for his loved ones, others do not want it either.
Then, the Prophet ﷺ placed his hand on the young man’s chest and made this beautiful duʿa’:
"O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity."
(اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبَهُ، وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبَهُ، وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجَهُ)
From that moment on, the young man never again inclined toward zina.
This story is often cited as a framework of how the Prophet ﷺ demonstrated Prophetic Emotional Intelligence:
- Non-judgmental Listening: He didn’t react harshly or mock the young man. He validated his presence and let him speak, signaling a safe space to express vulnerability.
- Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Instead of condemning the young man outright, the Prophet ﷺ appealed to his sense of dignity, love for family, and empathy by reversing the scenario: “Would you want that for your mother/daughter/sister?” He questioned the young man, to give sense empowering and influence the young man mindset.
- Gentle Instruction: The Prophet ﷺ guided the young man to rethink his desires and reframe his values without embarrassment or humiliation. He even made du'a for him.
- Emotional Touch: The Prophet ﷺ’s physical gesture, placing his hand on his chest, was both intimate and comforting. It reflects the value of human touch. And his duʿa recognized the internal spiritual struggle the young man faced.
- Positive Change through Mercy: The man’s entire mindset shifted not through punishment or public shaming, but through compassion, understanding, and the loving nature of prophetic mentorship.
In dealing with people, the Prophet ﷺ used every possible means; touch, duʿa, silence, speech, proximity to make things easier, not harder. He empowered people through gentleness, understanding, and active care. His emotional intelligence was not for show; it was a tool of daʿwah, healing, and transformation.
To follow him is to recognise that relationships require sincere empathy, profound emotional investment, and a heart big enough to hold others' pain without collapsing. Real communication, after all, is not just words: only 7% of communication is verbal. The rest lies in tone (38%) and facial expressions (55%). Emotional intelligence, then, is not only about what we say, but how we say it and how deeply we feel with and for others.
Forgive Others
In the pursuit of emotional intelligence, Islam offers a model far deeper than psychological insight. It offers the example of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, whose emotional depth was guided not by ego or self-interest, but by divine wisdom and mercy. One of the most profound lessons from his life is how he dealt with people’s faults, not by scrutinizing their intentions to punish or shame them, but by seeking their redemption. As believers, we are not commanded to dissect the hearts of others, except for one noble reason: to find a reason to forgive.
This principle becomes clear in the story of the three companions who failed to join the Battle of Tabuk. Kaʿb ibn Malik, Hilal ibn Umayyah, and Murarah ibn Ar-Rabiʿ. They made no excuses. They admitted their absence was not due to betrayal or hypocrisy, but due to weakness, overcome by the comfort of dunya. Their actions fell short, but their intentions remained intact. Unlike the hypocrites who lied, these three told the truth, and their honesty led to Allah's forgiveness. This story teaches us that while actions do speak louder than words, sincerity in one’s heart can be enough to bring about divine mercy, when acknowledged with humility and truth.
From this, we learn that forgiveness is not only a virtue. It is a lifeline for the one who gives it and the one who receives it. So, why do we forgive others?
First and foremost, we forgive so that Allah may forgive us. The Prophet ﷺ taught, “Be merciful to others, and you will receive mercy. Forgive others, and Allah will forgive you.” To let go of someone’s wrong is not merely an act of kindness. It is an act of worship. When we stand before Allah, we hope that our sins will be covered and our wrongs erased. How can we hope for that if we are unwilling to extend the same grace to others?
Forgiveness brings peace to our own hearts. Harboring resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It erodes us slowly. Islam acknowledges pain. It does not ask us to suppress it. But it does ask us to transcend it for a greater purpose. Allah says,
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡكٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ ١٣٤
Those who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people, and Allah loves the doers of good. [Ali ʿImran 3:134]
Forgiveness does not mean the absence of justice, but rather the refusal to allow pain to define your purpose.
Lastly, we forgive others not just for their sake, but for our, so that Allah will forgive us
أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغۡفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ ٢
Wouldn’t you love that Allah forgives you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. [An-Nur 24:22]
Islam teaches us that the more we can carry the burdens of others, the more valuable and elevated we become in the sight of Allah. Emotional intelligence is not just a psychological tool. It is a spiritual calling. Be the one who lightens others’ loads. That’s the path to the highest levels of Jannah.
The Prophet ﷺ described the bankrupt person on the Day of Judgment as someone who comes with a mountain of good deeds, but ends up with nothing because he had wronged people; cursing, backbiting, harming them; and they took his deeds in compensation. Reconciling in this life, especially before major events in the Day of Judgement, protects us from this fate. When we forgive others, we open the door for others to forgive us, building a community of mutual compassion rather than quiet bitterness.
All of this stems from a deeper Islamic ethic. The more burdens we are able to carry for others, the more beloved we are to Allah. To forgive, to help, to overlook. These are the marks of strength in Islam, not weakness. This principle elevates emotional intelligence to spiritual excellence, the ability to handle human emotions with grace, while never losing sight of Allah.
In a world that often teaches us to shield our emotions with pride or vengeance, the Prophet ﷺ showed us that true strength lies in empathy, patience, and sincere concern for others. He did not run from emotional responsibility. He embraced it. And in doing so, he lifted an entire Ummah.
Let us follow his way, not by looking for faults in people’s intentions, but by looking for reasons to forgive them. Not by withdrawing when hurt, but by leaning into mercy. For in doing so, we don’t just benefit others, we ascend ourselves.
by Sheikh Navaid Aziz | Yaqeen Institute | The Campus, Ampang
